[ during the past few entries... ]

I've noticed an increasing amount of anger in what I've been posting here. I'm not all that angry, I swear. I'm just frustrated...in many ways. Everyone has their own life shit, and well, this is mine:

1) I am, in so many words, extremely sexually frustrated.
In one of my previous lives I'm pretty sure that I was either a pornstar or a prostitute. In another life I was a pickpocket, and in the one before that, I was a ninja. But anyway - I'm just a really horny person. I like sex. I like porn. "Then go have sex!" you say. Oh, it's not that simple. ):

The reason I have to abstain (most of the time) is due to my preacher boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I love him, and that's why I don't have loads of promiscuous sex (well, him and fear of STDs/AIDS). But I think I might be a less frustrated person, if we could just have sex. It's an act of love, and he wants to wait until we get married. Which could be up to 4 years. Imagine it. Waiting 4 years to have sex when you've already had it. Damn it.

The average sexual peak for a female is what...during her 20's? It's days like this when I feel I'm wasting my youth/need to sew up my vagina.

2) General boredom with life.
I have friends. I hang out. But this wasn't the plan that I originally had for my life. The 'original' plan consisted of traveling to Europe and writing. I find each day that the things I'm pursuing I enjoy less and less. At the tedious age of 21, I should be having fun, and I'm not. I have a great time when I'm with my friends, but I'm not really looking forward to anything right now.

This summer, I'll be staying at home, taking classes and volunteering at the pharmacy. I'm not going on vacation, and God knows that I need to get out of Virginia for a little bit.

3) I've started to drink, a little bit.
I'm not a raging alcoholic...yet. But I feel like I can laugh at more things when I'm slightly inebriated. It's a false sense of joy, I realize, but I suppose it beats being slightly sad all the time. I've determined my favorite rum is Bacardi (thank you, Marco Peatina <3), my favorite wine is Brachetto (thank you, Italian aunt), and three favorite beers are MGD Ultra, Blue Moon, and Purple Haze (thank you, Broken Egg Bistro).

I won't drink every day due to the fact that I worry about getting a 'beer belly.' Don't know what I'll do about it when I move home.

In General:
4) Somedays, I just want to say what I'm thinking without having to worry what people will think about me.

5) I just want to go dance...

6) My friends here keep me alive more than they realize.

7) Fucking hell - the girl in the other room is having sex right now. FML much?

8) I've resorted to eating frozen pizza and cereal since my food money is so low, and I can't give up coffee. ):

9) I've started packing my things, but I don't want to go home just yet.

10) I have to go shopping before I move home. My grandmother told me last weekend she thought I looked frumpy. :| I guess I need to do something with my hair too.

11) Bleh...

[ day 1. spring break 2010. ]

in list format since it's 1 a.m., and i'm tired:

1) i hate my little sister a.k.a. fuckingcumslutwhoreskankbitch.

2) as of right now, my grandma and my boyfriend are the only two people i can stand.

3) my parents suck. repeat. my parents suck.

4) i think i want a puppy someday, but i am an original cat person.

5) my cat has a lot of gas.

6) little caesar's pizza isn't too awful for being so cheap.

7) i've spent at least 9+ hours doing something church related today. this isn't all due to the preacher b/f. damn catholic parents.

8) fuck me - i need a drink.

9) they have daily buses running from here to nyc. i've been tempted more than once today to just take a trip alone to get.the.hell.away.

10) i had originally planned to get up and drive to the beach to watch the sunrise to kick off spring break. i ended up talking to ma really late instead about life.

11) going to cheesecake factory in the morning for ma's 78th birthday. then williamsburg to visit rob's dad + stepmom. it's going to be a greatfml day with more family.

12) in order to get through tomorrow, i don't know if i should be drunk or over-caffeinated.

13) sleep.

14) um. her majesty's a pretty nice girl, but she doesn't have a lot to say.

[ not feeling class today. ]

i just want to listen to the beatles and take a walk/drive in a place where it's warm.

i'm so sick of this cold shit.