[ during the past few entries... ]

I've noticed an increasing amount of anger in what I've been posting here. I'm not all that angry, I swear. I'm just frustrated...in many ways. Everyone has their own life shit, and well, this is mine:

1) I am, in so many words, extremely sexually frustrated.
In one of my previous lives I'm pretty sure that I was either a pornstar or a prostitute. In another life I was a pickpocket, and in the one before that, I was a ninja. But anyway - I'm just a really horny person. I like sex. I like porn. "Then go have sex!" you say. Oh, it's not that simple. ):

The reason I have to abstain (most of the time) is due to my preacher boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I love him, and that's why I don't have loads of promiscuous sex (well, him and fear of STDs/AIDS). But I think I might be a less frustrated person, if we could just have sex. It's an act of love, and he wants to wait until we get married. Which could be up to 4 years. Imagine it. Waiting 4 years to have sex when you've already had it. Damn it.

The average sexual peak for a female is what...during her 20's? It's days like this when I feel I'm wasting my youth/need to sew up my vagina.

2) General boredom with life.
I have friends. I hang out. But this wasn't the plan that I originally had for my life. The 'original' plan consisted of traveling to Europe and writing. I find each day that the things I'm pursuing I enjoy less and less. At the tedious age of 21, I should be having fun, and I'm not. I have a great time when I'm with my friends, but I'm not really looking forward to anything right now.

This summer, I'll be staying at home, taking classes and volunteering at the pharmacy. I'm not going on vacation, and God knows that I need to get out of Virginia for a little bit.

3) I've started to drink, a little bit.
I'm not a raging alcoholic...yet. But I feel like I can laugh at more things when I'm slightly inebriated. It's a false sense of joy, I realize, but I suppose it beats being slightly sad all the time. I've determined my favorite rum is Bacardi (thank you, Marco Peatina <3), my favorite wine is Brachetto (thank you, Italian aunt), and three favorite beers are MGD Ultra, Blue Moon, and Purple Haze (thank you, Broken Egg Bistro).

I won't drink every day due to the fact that I worry about getting a 'beer belly.' Don't know what I'll do about it when I move home.

In General:
4) Somedays, I just want to say what I'm thinking without having to worry what people will think about me.

5) I just want to go dance...

6) My friends here keep me alive more than they realize.

7) Fucking hell - the girl in the other room is having sex right now. FML much?

8) I've resorted to eating frozen pizza and cereal since my food money is so low, and I can't give up coffee. ):

9) I've started packing my things, but I don't want to go home just yet.

10) I have to go shopping before I move home. My grandmother told me last weekend she thought I looked frumpy. :| I guess I need to do something with my hair too.

11) Bleh...

[ don't quite know what's physiologically wrong with me... ]

but since this is basically anonymous, i guess i won't be afraid to say that during this past week, i've had the worst gas ever. yes, gas. as in, farting, burping, bloating, whatever. i don't know what's caused this, but it's really annoying and uncomfortable feeling like a balloon all the time. le boyf thought i was pregnant. i've taken 2 tests, one on Wednesday and one last night. both were negative. so it's not that. the entire feeling went away when i was at home this weekend.

anyway. this weekend was nice. i spent all of yesterday sleeping and having sex at the boyfriend's house. oh, heaven - parents were out of town and unable to bother me as well.

this weekend was also ang and phil's performance of the tempest. it's sad knowing that they won't be acting together again...not like that anyway. she was ariel, and he was caliban. the director inserted bob marley music throughout the acts, so the show was thoroughly enjoyable.

idiot roommate & i got into a bit of a fight, and i'm done putting up with her stupidity/selfishness. done. done. done. i've been living in the JC for the past week, avoiding her fat ass, trying to get work done. it's fucking loud in here though...i don't know how people get anything finished. also - it's also difficult to find a quiet place to study in FENWICK.

i sat down in a corner on the 4th floor, and all of a sudden mrs. i-hack-my-lungs-out, sat in the cubicle in front of mine. are you fucking serious? this woman had the worst cough i've ever heard. i got up and left for the 5th floor, where random chinese people kept walking around this level in circles and some random chick in clack-y high heels kept walking on the linoleum. back and forth. wha-the-fuck?

for. the. love. of. christ. - why can't i find a decent place to study on this damn campus?

anyway...
my parents are in hawaii until sunday. must be nice.

i'm going hiking/camping for the first time ever apr. 17th with rob and the youth kids. this should be interesting.

i really don't like this place.