piano fire.

this fucking sucks.

i am depressed/unhappy/stressed out/tired/probably PMSing.
i literally hate everything that i have going on right now. but i can't get out of it.

i came to college wanting to be a writer. i wanted to travel/study abroad. i wanted to see amazing things, drink, have adventures, and take pictures. lots of and lots of pictures. i just wanted to have a good time.

but:

i don't know what the hell is wrong with me right now.
i don't know who to talk to about it because it's just all really unreasonable once i speak. but it makes sense in my head.

i want to be destructive in some form. break a plate, a glass, just fucking smash things. but i don't want to bother to clean the mess.

maybe this is what being in a box is like.

i have so much to take care of in the next 2.5 weeks, and i'm haunted by the thought that i might just let everyone down.

i just see everyone a little happier than i can even pretend to be sometimes.

there is some part of me that's screaming right now, but that part is always on mute.

my GOD.

when did i get so fucked up...

i went back to my old school last weekend with my friend Christina, and some part of me just got sick being in there again. some things have changed in there and won't ever be the way they were when i was there. all of my teachers have gotten older.

i don't know what i'm going through right now.

i see people with such beautifully simple lives, and i wonder why i can't be like that. why do i overthink everything like i do?

whywhywhywhy.